Hi Casper - a few things to act on for next time: you shouldn't break your actual assignment with those sub-headings (so Point 1 etc) - it's fine that you have this structure in your head, just don't include it in your writing. Your academic writing should flow and feel like a complete argument. I want you to stop quoting from blogs, as blogs are not 'reputable' published sources. Remember all that very early advice about reliable sources - you need named authors (not avatars or pseudonyms - for example 'punk patriot') on reputable websites that give publication dates etc. It's not that your sources chosen here aren't interesting - they are - they're just not of a high enough academic calibre to support academic writing. Another point - in one quote, your source refers out to 'Hal' in 2001 - but you don't reference this yourself in your response and don't explain the reference to your reader. You always need to avoid sources that include references to things you don't know yourself or understand. Unless you're prepared to tell us the significance of Hal (another AI that kills its crew), I don't know why you're including the reference at all.
More generally, your review is nicely focused - just always give our written work another proof-read before you publish.
Hi Casper - a few things to act on for next time: you shouldn't break your actual assignment with those sub-headings (so Point 1 etc) - it's fine that you have this structure in your head, just don't include it in your writing. Your academic writing should flow and feel like a complete argument. I want you to stop quoting from blogs, as blogs are not 'reputable' published sources. Remember all that very early advice about reliable sources - you need named authors (not avatars or pseudonyms - for example 'punk patriot') on reputable websites that give publication dates etc. It's not that your sources chosen here aren't interesting - they are - they're just not of a high enough academic calibre to support academic writing. Another point - in one quote, your source refers out to 'Hal' in 2001 - but you don't reference this yourself in your response and don't explain the reference to your reader. You always need to avoid sources that include references to things you don't know yourself or understand. Unless you're prepared to tell us the significance of Hal (another AI that kills its crew), I don't know why you're including the reference at all.
ReplyDeleteMore generally, your review is nicely focused - just always give our written work another proof-read before you publish.